A Long Painful Journey pt 4: Depression and Anxiety
Battling the hate for my father, god mom, God, and men. I would soon have another battle to conquer; which was my depression and anxiety. There would be many days were I felt useless, out of shape, unwanted, scared etc. I was becoming weak as the days went on, my thoughts were not from me anymore. The devil had my thoughts in his palm; he was in control now. I would be at home and begin to panic about my family either dying or I couldn’t save myself from either a car accident or drown. Home, school or car my anxiety attacks came at random; I became paranoid about everything. I was never happy...I hated myself didn’t feel like living anymore. The 1st time I tried to commit suicide, my mother ended up walking in on me. That night I was going to hang myself, holding the belt I quickly would end up hiding the belt. That night I would go back to being depressed and worthless. The last time I would try to commit suicide; I would overdose on painkillers. I had written a note to my mother telling her I loved her, and she didn’t have to worry about me anymore. I was prepared to take a whole painkiller bottle and go to sleep hoping I didn’t wake up. But again God brought someone to stop me. That night I had a conversation with Raissa; she would encourage me and that night I realized I couldn’t do it. If I didn’t have that conversation with her, I don’t think I would even be here. Looking back I was so close to ending it all; but God I always found a way to let me know I had to keep fighting. The devil was ready to take me away, but God knew it wasn’t my time yet. I want you to know your not alone and if nobody has said they love you… well I do. For anyone who feels they should give up; you’re a warrior, champion and a fighter. Don’t Give Up! God has a purpose for you. I understand it’ll be hard, but I know you’ll conquer whatever you’re going through. God will shine his radiant light towards your life, uplift your spirit and bring a smile to your face. I’m praying for you because I know it’s not an easy journey. Your tears will become a testimony, just keep praying and praising God. Matthew 11:28-30“ Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." As for everyone else reach out to your loved one. Talk to them and actually understand it’s not easy. Always pray and love them regardless.
P.S If you need to talk to some either text me or dm me on twitter.