A Long Painful Journey pt. 1
Growing up I was Daddy's Little Girl; never left my father's side no matter what. My father was around for most of my childhood days; we would go to carnivals, play games, tell stories etc. With my father and I we were like Arnold and Gerald ( for my 90's kid "Hey Arnold"). But soon as I reached 6th grade; my happy world was falling apart. My father ended up leaving and moving to California. Mind you in 6th grade I was being bullied and was battling depression and anxiety all by myself. I began to grow hatred for my father; nothing you said could make me forgive my dad. There would be times he would call and all of my siblings would talk to him but I refused. I didn't want to associate myself with my dad whatsoever. For 6 years I was hurt, disappointed, angry etc. In my heart I had grown to hate my own dad. After awhile he began to give up, he didn't know what he could do to reach out to me. Looking back now I remember when he called and my sister tried to persuade me to talk to him; looked her dead in the face and told her “I didn’t have a father anymore”. Imagine your own child saying that while you were on the phone. I let hatred consume my heart for 6 years, to the point where speaking about my father was a taboo in my mouth. Fast forward to late May of 2017 were in reality the devil and I would be battling for my sanity and freedom. My mother walked in and gave me the phone, sitting down with tears in my eyes, I heard my dad’s voice for the first time after 6 years of us not speaking. The first statement he said was “I’ve been praying for you baby girl... I know the Devil working hard, but your daddy praying for you Ngozi”. When I tell you I burst out in tears, I was shocked my own father praying for me even when I rejected his love. Just memories of hate, anger and frustration flooded all back to me. But I soon realized that I did miss my father; I had ruined a relationship because I allowed the devil to feed into my hate. That night we would talk about everything from my hate towards him; to how he has been praying for me over the 6 years we hadn’t spoke. But moral of the lesson is don’t allow a setback to ruin a relationship you have with someone. I allowed that to consume my thoughts, emotion, spirit etc. Your parents will always be there for you regardless of what you have done. Remember parents are human, they make mistakes too. Leaving you with this bible verse Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” We all want to go to heaven, but we first have to forgive those that have done us wrong. If anything learn from this story, know that hate can ruin things with a matter or time.